Losses

We all lose something or someone
And someone’ll eventually lose us too

When they breathe their last
With memories, we linger in the past

The present is more dire or tricky
We don’t keep in touch, being picky

If only we’re closer, even from far & be there
Our presence would show we care

But death is one way to say forever goodbye
The end can’t be stopped, even if we try

There’s another kind of loss, truth vs. lying
When we tell a lie, someone’s already dying

One more loss is when you lose hope
Life’s a burden, you fight to cope

After so much you’ve lost, what’s one more
You are slowly heading, anyway, toward’s death door

Losses… they make you strong as well
The lessons learned are your stories to tell

why i want not to live

To live is a burden I bear daily
I can’t breathe and I am trying my best
To hold my breath and not let it slip
But my weary heart is begging me for rest

Every nerve wrapping bones squeeze
Sometimes so tight, choking my dreams
How long should I pretend to be okay
Forget my nightmares and endless screams

I don’t want to live, I’ll give all the reasons
I am among millions who won’t be missed
The pain would disappear, I’ll be at peace
I’ll stop meeting the past at every twist

I don’t want to live because I am so tired
Tired of waking with aching body and heart
Tired of listening ‘It’s okay’ when it’s not
Tired of everything I can’t hold and falling apart

In death, I’ll find peace and my God and love
When I am no more, kind words will be said
When I’m gone, things will be same as always
I’ll be done and find freedom when I’m dead

Unsung symphony

In the company of my own
Thoughts and past come to haunt
Have I stronger grown
To ignore voices that taunt

Wishful thinking, treasures in my chest
Words left unsaid, locked in my head
Have I become bitter or the best
To pretend to be alive, while inside I’m dead

All the ties that I hold, both tight & loose
Choke me and break me as I struggle to stand
Have I seen so much that I can’t choose
To stay hopeful but survive by a thin strand

Too much for some, too less to the others
Loneliness is a bliss & silence, a great company
Have I grown numb during all the weathers
To appear okay in life’s unsung symphony…

The urge to never wake up and isolate
Doesn’t leave, at times filled with regret
Have I decided to accept this fate
To pretend to love life & adore the vignette

Do I truly give up on myself & all my dreams
Fight the monsters that consume my peace
Have I got accustomed to my unheard screams
To either give in and weep when no one sees

Continue living in dreams & dread the reality
Or stop this journey, let go of what I could be
Have I thought enough, to walk alone
To die, or live to tell my story

– Princess Eve

Message to the Past

I still carry the broken pieces
Pieces of memories that stayed
I did try to let them go
They didn’t, leaving heart heavily weighed

The voice who stopped me from singing
Speaks every time I raise a pitch
The voice who lied and pushed me aside
Stayed too, blocking me at every turn I switch

The voice of laughter behind me and in the front
The times they didn’t see my mask and pain concealed
The voice of betrayal and each time they stabbed
Stayed too, as I allowed my heart to be healed

The voices – I wish had spoken with love
And be a band-aid instead of a knife
Perhaps kept bitterness to themselves
And learnt a thing or two about strife

I walk around with wounds still raw
And I fight every day to shut these voices
My lips are sealed and my heart cries out
Wondering if I would have made different choices

I might question a lot of things
I even will ask God, why me
I will shed a tear for all the hurt
But I won’t stop believing or fighting

While I spend sleepless nights
With the voices replaying in my mind
I have learnt to let love rule my heart
I can’t forgive or forget, but I won’t stop being kind

Suicide, the daily visitor

Are you ready to give up yet?
You’re not needed, you lost a bet!
Come with me and I’ll follow your side
Until you commit to me, your friend, Suicide

They’ll mourn you, for a day or two
Perhaps hang a picture of you
They don’t care while your heart’s beating
Come, I offer you peace, no retreating

Did you see the lies they spun on you?
The hatred and jealousy, the poison they spew
Told ya, you should’ve been long dead
Let go, and sleep tight but not on your bed

Something sharp, or a rope or here’s some pills
End it, everyone’s busy spending their bills
Too blind to see your pain, they won’t see
I’m telling you, in death, you’ll be free

You do things to win their affection
Are you not yet tired of this rejection?
A reminder, ‘no one bothers’ isn’t enough?
By living, are you trying to be tough?

I’ll see you again, and remind you of the fact
You’re either strong or put on an act
Doesn’t matter, as you’ll be loved in your afterlife
They’ll remember your good deeds and bury the strife

 

BE KIND

Unkind words damage our heart and our mind

Often the person who shoots it doesn’t recognise

The pain and the tears and process of forgetting

Take days or even weeks, sanity is our price

I wonder what happened to good old principles

Where you give and take respect

Where selfishness is thrown out of windows

You care, you love and you protect

Since I can’t return the favour

I shut myself and build a thicker wall

I hold on to my God’s promises

Though broken, I stand tall

 

My heart breaks…

My heart breaks not just for me
For people who aren’t blind and can’t see
For people who take kindness as an act of a fool
For people who think sinful life is cool

My heart breaks for every soul
Who in the darkness roll
Refusing to come out into the light
Who holds onto their vain pride so tight

My heart breaks for those who are lost
Embracing evil, rejecting the cross
For temporary glitter at a great cost
Their salvation, the eternity is at the loss

My heart breaks for them
Who knows the power of Jesus’ name
And yet they don’t trust or obey
My heart breaks seeing them walk the wrong way

They will never go away

The mocking voices, behind smiles they hide

The disregarding minds, underneath their pride

The situations dreadful, before your next trail

The grins and raised brows, after you fail

These things will never go away…

The betrayal by someone you trust the most

The snide remarks when you raise a toast

The frailty of your physical body, the tests

Those who will look you down, as pests

These things will never go away…

The Creator’s calling you to have hope

The Eternal love that gives the courage to cope

The Beauty that comes from the ashes of misery

The Testimony that will be shared, through your story

They will never go away…

 

I survived 2017

By Grace, I take each breath

Recalling the past challenges I met

I am among the thousands

And yet I am unique

I survived the bullying and the mocking

They left the scar to remain forever

I fight each battle, staying still

While I hear the screams in my head

I see the judging faces, the nightmares

I wake up reliving and pretend I don’t care

I survived the abuse and the mistreat

And closed all the doors to save myself

Yet, the intruders find their way in

To steal my hope and knock me down again

I almost give up, I refuse to see another dawn

But the Hope holds my hand and says ‘Stay Strong’

 

 

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