Losses

We all lose something or someone
And someone’ll eventually lose us too

When they breathe their last
With memories, we linger in the past

The present is more dire or tricky
We don’t keep in touch, being picky

If only we’re closer, even from far & be there
Our presence would show we care

But death is one way to say forever goodbye
The end can’t be stopped, even if we try

There’s another kind of loss, truth vs. lying
When we tell a lie, someone’s already dying

One more loss is when you lose hope
Life’s a burden, you fight to cope

After so much you’ve lost, what’s one more
You are slowly heading, anyway, toward’s death door

Losses… they make you strong as well
The lessons learned are your stories to tell

why i want not to live

To live is a burden I bear daily
I can’t breathe and I am trying my best
To hold my breath and not let it slip
But my weary heart is begging me for rest

Every nerve wrapping bones squeeze
Sometimes so tight, choking my dreams
How long should I pretend to be okay
Forget my nightmares and endless screams

I don’t want to live, I’ll give all the reasons
I am among millions who won’t be missed
The pain would disappear, I’ll be at peace
I’ll stop meeting the past at every twist

I don’t want to live because I am so tired
Tired of waking with aching body and heart
Tired of listening ‘It’s okay’ when it’s not
Tired of everything I can’t hold and falling apart

In death, I’ll find peace and my God and love
When I am no more, kind words will be said
When I’m gone, things will be same as always
I’ll be done and find freedom when I’m dead

Unsung symphony

In the company of my own
Thoughts and past come to haunt
Have I stronger grown
To ignore voices that taunt

Wishful thinking, treasures in my chest
Words left unsaid, locked in my head
Have I become bitter or the best
To pretend to be alive, while inside I’m dead

All the ties that I hold, both tight & loose
Choke me and break me as I struggle to stand
Have I seen so much that I can’t choose
To stay hopeful but survive by a thin strand

Too much for some, too less to the others
Loneliness is a bliss & silence, a great company
Have I grown numb during all the weathers
To appear okay in life’s unsung symphony…

The urge to never wake up and isolate
Doesn’t leave, at times filled with regret
Have I decided to accept this fate
To pretend to love life & adore the vignette

Do I truly give up on myself & all my dreams
Fight the monsters that consume my peace
Have I got accustomed to my unheard screams
To either give in and weep when no one sees

Continue living in dreams & dread the reality
Or stop this journey, let go of what I could be
Have I thought enough, to walk alone
To die, or live to tell my story

– Princess Eve

One Reason

Please give me one reason to live
Or I’ll find a thousand to die

Don’t accuse me for not trying
I did – and promised never to lie

Hoped, prayed and stood still
Asked, searched, waited for too long

Picked myself up many times
Tried to right every wrong

I’m done knocking heartless doors
Done waiting for them to open

I kept looking for light in the darkest hours
I kept waiting for reason to stay alive & found none…

Just need one more reason – to live
Or I’ve got thousand to die

Dying star

I am afraid to be alive
Standing on the edge
Should I jump?
Or step back

“Life’s not fair”
I hear everywhere
Is it really life
Or the people living in it

So I locked myself in & hide
And built a wall so thick
No one can break in
Better this than to be shattered

Or I guess I’ll be the dying star
Shine brightly just before I fall

My story

My story is of the battles I fought
And all the victories I got

My story is of the struggles I still face
And walk in my God’s grace

My story is filled with Hope
And the strength I gather to cope

My story is of loss and pain
I wait for sunshine & love the rain

My story is the forgiveness of my sin
Love that’s not from my kith or kin

My story is of trials that are not yet over
I still need to share God’s love and power

My story is of the days when I feel like ending it all
And the moments when Christ catches me before I fall

My story is of fight between faith and fear
And when I close my eyes I see it clear

My story is of my uncertain tomorrow
And of my Christ’s love who I follow

For the Little Girl (My Angel )

There are people who live shameful life in the dark
And yet and have guts to point at others
They think they do horrible things for right reasons
Not seeing where its leading them to

I see this little girl who’s growing up in front of me
Afraid that her life is heading that way
And all I want is the safety of that innocent girl
And pray that person soon knows what’s true

That the dark path she’s going is only getting darker
I wish I could do something more than prayer
But my hands are tied; I’m helpless
I wish she’d turn around before she’s headed to hell

I pray the person thinks about that little girl and her life
Understand the consequences of sin
Keep the little girl out of her shadow to live securely
And try to lead a life – that’s she’s proud to tell.

For my lovely, niece

Dedicated to a little boy who went to live with Jesus

You were just a child
and a good fighter
Spreading hope in spite of
the pain you went through

You had a brilliant never fading smile
Cheering everyone around you
I wish you stayed with us longer
As we watch you grow

But the fate took a terrible turn
And took you soon from us
I believe you are at a better place
Where everything is calm and beautiful

Best of all you’re with Jesus
You’d be playing and singing
With HIM all day and wait for us
where we would meet again one day…